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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23583880">The cost of happiness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erine_24/pseuds/Erine_24'>Erine_24</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Broken Dean Winchester, Castiel made a Deal with The Empty, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Emotions, Feelings, M/M, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, The Empty (Supernatural), The Empty possessing Dean</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:35:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23583880</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erine_24/pseuds/Erine_24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One deal. One hunt. One risk. One confession. Two broken hearts.<br/>And an entity, making an angel suffer by the most painful way he could ever think of.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The cost of happiness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavanyaa/gifts">Lavanyaa</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy reading! ^^</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Dean and Castiel had been alone on a hunt today. Found out this case was more special than they thought, and things really went the wrong way. They didn’t know what else to do and were in danger. They maybe knew how to get out, but that would mean that the creature would still be running and all those people would continue to die. But Castiel had a plan. He was the only one who could get them out of here, save the people and close that case. But it was way too dangerous. And Dean tried to keep the angel’s mind out of that idea, but he couldn’t. This was their only shot. There wasn’t any other way.</p><p>But the fear had entirely reached Dean’s body, and even if Castiel was trying to reason with him, he couldn’t. He couldn’t let that happen.</p><p>“I won’t let you risk that. I won’t.</p><p> - Dean-“</p><p>So they started arguing in the middle of the night, again. Castiel was understanding the fear leading Dean, he certainly would’ve acted the same if the roles were reversed. But he had to do it. He had to save those people, to save Dean. He couldn’t risk the hunter to get hurt if he wasn’t doing it.</p><p>“Dean, come on, you know me, you know I can handle it.”</p><p>Cas was getting closer to the hunter, catching his arm, trying to make him understand, make him realize, that all he was doing, all he was saying, with every emotion and feeling he was putting in, was the truth.</p><p>“But what if you can’t?”</p><p>Dean’s voice suddenly became so low, barely a whisper, as he was collapsing under all emotions. His trembling eyes were staring at Castiel's, showing all the fear, all the love he had for the angel, letting down every wall he had built all his life, letting out his weakness… that was nothing but Castiel.</p><p>“I will!! Dean, I’m <em>fine</em>. Trust me. I won’t get hurt.</p><p> - Oh like you didn’t get hurt last time? Like you wouldn’t be <em>dead</em> if Sam didn’t take you out?</p><p>The way the hunter’s voice suddenly broke apart while getting higher shook the angel with all the pain, all the emotions they were sharing.</p><p> - You almost died that night too!!! All I did was to protect you, Dean. Putting you first, like every single time. And I’ll do it again. I always will. Maybe it’s time for you to understand that.</p><p>- But…” The hunter couldn’t even hear what the angel was saying, too blinded by his feelings. “I can’t lose you Cas… I already did too many times. I can’t see you die again. I can’t let you risk your life. And certainly not to save mine. I won’t let you do that again.”</p><p>Dean had lowered his head, looking down. He was now trembling, fear taking control of his whole body. He couldn’t take this vision off his head. All he was seeing was Castiel, standing on that field and trembling - right after saving his life – his eyes looking empty, and those little shakes that his whole body had got. And he could never forget that feeling. That feeling of his heart falling, breaking, destroying, dying from the inside… Consuming him. The feeling of watching the one you love die in front of you by your fault, without being able to make any move, anything to save him. Dean could never stop having these nightmares every single night, waking up screaming, crying for his angel. He couldn’t stop reliving this moment again and again. This vision of Castiel dying was haunting him, every second.</p><p>And the angel knew all of that. Because every night, every single night he was hearing it. Dean’s screams. Dean shouting, praying for him. Every single night those same words were stuck in his head again. So every night, he was watching over him, trying his best every time to calm the hunter, surrounding him with his strong arms, whispering that he’s there, that he’s alright, that everything is fine. Every night, it was his voice that was keeping the hunter safe. The angel would keep holding Dean in his arms for hours till he finally gets to sleep peacefully.</p><p>And he knew that was the reason why the hunter couldn’t let him follow that plan. Dean couldn’t risk those nightmares to become reality again. He couldn’t. the hunter was willing to do anything to save the angel from doing this. He knew that Castiel would die if he was doing this. And he knew the angel knew it too. He knew he wanted to protect him… But DEAN, he HAD to protect Castiel. He had to tell him, he had to-</p><p>“Dean-</p><p> - I love you”</p><p>Castiel suddenly stopped thinking. His fingers frizzed against Dean’s arm.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>The angel’s finger slowly fell off the hunter's arm, grazing his hand, making his whole body shiver. </p><p>“I said I’m in love with you, Castiel. All of you, you and your eternal weird sense of humor… your smile, your laugh… You, just you. I fell in love with you, years ago, and... maybe even from the beginning. And these feelings for you, they never stopped growing, getting stronger every day. Cas I… I never cared about anyone like I care about you. I never felt this type of feeling. Ever. I just can’t stop thinking and worrying about you every single day and every single night. I just… I <em>can't</em> lose you. I can’t let you stupidly and blindly risking your life like that. I love you too much for that Cas, I… I need you…”</p><p>And the whole world stopped.</p><p>Castiel’s heart had never beaten so fast. He… Suddenly, there was just Dean, looking at him straight in the eyes with so much confidence, and sincerity, so much love, so much fear… And those words he said, repeating again and again in his mind. The angel was feeling like his heart was going to explode. He had never been this happy. He was feeling… Whole. Alive. For the first time. Dean loved him. It was true.</p><p>They were <em>real</em>.</p><p>Then, like his body suddenly took the entire control of him, within a second, he found himself running into Dean’s arms. He had no words, but he just wanted, <em>needed</em> to feel him. Be close to him. He needed to feel that love and to express those emotions.</p><p>And he started crying, crying because he was happy, because he loved Dean and Dean loved him too. Crying because he had waited for this moment his whole life. His whole eternity.</p><p>“I love you too Dean I…” There were so many things he wanted and needed to say… But he didn’t even have words, so much his emotions were strong and deep. So much his heartbeats couldn’t stop going faster. “I love you”</p><p>And he could suddenly feel Dean hugging him back, slowly stroking his hair.</p><p>Castiel was finally at peace. Right there, in Dean's arms, his heart burning of a whole new love he was ready to share. A whole new world he was ready to discover, from every side and every step. A whole new life that was waiting for him.</p><p>Dean was his heaven.</p><p>And the hunter suddenly opened his mouth, breaking that too precious silence.</p><p>“It’s good to know he made you happy”</p><p>The smile on Castiel’s face faded away in a second as his heart stopped. The arms surrounding him were suddenly cold, and he could now hear Dean laugh. But it wasn’t that harmonious and sweet sound that he used to love to hear. It was malicious. Evil. And the angel didn’t understand.</p><p>“Looks like I just arrived at the right time,” Dean said, getting off Cas’ arms. </p><p>Now the angel could see the hunter’s face. That dead, cold face. That expression that was bluntly breaking the angel from every angle, every side, everywhere.</p><p>“I… I don’t understand”</p><p>“Oh, Castiel… so naïve little angel… Always and forever blinded by his human weakness. Did you really think you could’ve been happy with him? That you two would get that stupid happy ever after?” He laughed again. ”I thought I’d made it clear, Castiel.</p><p> - The… E-Empty…” He was suddenly understanding, memories coming back in his head, while the entity, possessing Dean's body, was just smiling, happy to make him suffer again. And the angel started shaking and trembling. This couldn’t be true, no... He could’ve come at any moment, anytime… But not like that, not now, not in <em>his</em> body… “No no no no no you can’t take me now!!! Not now please just- Even one minute I-</p><p> - Oh, darling, I come when I decide.” The Empty was only enjoying seeing Castiel broken. He could hear his heart breaking in a million pieces after every single word he was saying. </p><p>Everything he was saying, everything he was doing had impacts on the angel, and the entity was just enjoying that. “We had a deal, Castiel. And now you’re gonna come with me”</p><p>But the angel just couldn’t accept the reality. It couldn’t end like that, it couldn’t. He would fight for Dean. For them. Always.</p><p>“So what? H-He will just know my feelings? And that’s it? No!!! I need to say goodb-</p><p> - Oh because you think he heard?</p><p> - What?” He said, his voice suddenly getting so small, so weak.</p><p> “Oh, darling… your heart beats were way too fast and your happiness way to high, when you weren’t even in his arms... Or should I say… mine.” Dean, or the Empty, started sniggering again, with every single little sound, sending a knife into the angel’s hear and making his body shiver. “Come on, you really thought I would let you live that happiness? Even for a second? Oh, dear… So pathetic.”</p><p>Dean’s voice got so cold again. And Castiel was so hurt, his pain was so high that it was even now hard to stand. When he had thought he was done, that he had gone through all the pain… His whole body suddenly broke even more and hurt even deeper. And Dean’s body standing so close to him was only increasing his pain and making his whole body shivering even more.</p><p>“But Dean-</p><p> - Will never know why you left.” The Empty was smiling again “He will think you abandoned him. </p><p> - I WILL NEVER ABANDON HIM!!!” The sharp voice that hoped Castiel only came out as weak despair, full of all the pain he had inside.</p><p> - Oh, but you will. Right then, and right now. You can't do ANYTHING against me and you know that. Now <em>accept</em> it. <em>Accept</em> the truth, Castiel. He will never know you love him back! Oh, angel… You really hoped he could be happy too…”</p><p>That last sneer was the final step. The final knife.</p><p>The Empty was right. And he couldn’t do anything anymore. It was over. Dean would never know. He would never know his feelings, never know why he left. Dean needed to know. It would kill him not to… Castiel knew the hunter would never recover from it. He may never be happy again… Because of him…</p><p>All his strengths suddenly left him, as he couldn’t handle anymore. He started crying, crying and sobbing, so much and so bad, his whole body trembling, shivering so hard and the pain so high that his body couldn’t carry him anymore. He completely fell apart, broken. But before falling on the ground, the Empty caught him, surrounding him with his arms. He was ready to take him.</p><p>But it only made things worse.</p><p>Feeling Dean’s arms, Dean’s touch… The angel knew it wasn’t him, but feeling his body so close to him in that situation, feeling his arms surrounding him, his head grazing his… Feeling his breath caressing his neck… Was only increasing his pain like he never thought it ever could.</p><p>But Castiel let him. Because all strength had left him, and he couldn’t even move anymore.<br/>He had given up.</p><p>And while his body was still shivering, tears running and running above his cheeks, the dark shape came to surround him.</p><p>And within a second, in a last breath, a last shiver, a last sob… He was gone.</p><p>Letting Dean without any explanation, anything.</p><p>The hunter wouldn’t know a thing.</p><p>Right in front of his eyes, right after telling the one he loved his true feelings, that he couldn’t lose him… His love would’ve disappeared, without letting the hunter realize anything.</p><p>So he wouldn’t understand at first, his body frozen and his eyes trembling and desperately looking for his angel. And he would look everywhere, pray and pray for him during hours, getting so worried that Castiel would’ve followed that plan, risked everything or worse, he wouldn’t know… He would forget everything around him.</p><p>But then, it would hit him. Castiel, his angel, the one he loved, the one he needed, the one he couldn’t lose… Had left him. And Dean would only think what could’ve been the only reason for him. The angel had left because of him. Because he didn’t love him back. Because he was disappointed... Disgusted…</p><p>So Dean would only desperately cry and apologize to him again and again, his heart breaking into a million pieces every second, but still hoping, forever, that somehow, the angel could hear his prayers.</p><p>That same hope, that would keep destroying him a little more every day, pushing him to still look out for his lost love every single day.</p><p>He would lose himself.</p><p>And never, never know… That somewhere, Castiel would still hear him, desperately trying, years after years, to reach him.</p><p>In vain.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Let it hurt until it hurts no more</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Always remember that,</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>it takes time to heal</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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